You, yes you, are a sucker!

I thought we had come a long way from the simple TV commercials we grew up with in the 70s and 80s. Granted, some are iconic, but they really did try to pull one over on the consumer. We were treated like a naïve, ignorant and mindless target audience. And has that changed much? Nope. Except for a few precious gems. VW has done some great stuff. Mac – good. And, albeit annoying, you gotta give props to ShamWow because it’s a simple product that you see obviously works. However, it is just a shami, so spend about $19.01 less and go to the dollar store and get yourself one, fool.

But here’s my beef. It really falls into two categories of commercials. Makeup and Household Cleaners. Every time I see these type of commercials I cringe.

Household Cleaners
“Germ-fighting action.” Lies. Lies. Lies. Not only do I hate that they throw this phrase into our brains, but I absolutely despise the animation that accompanies every single stupid ad. You know what I’m saying. “See how the fast acting cleaning agent gets rid of 99.9% of the bacteria!” Really? Is that how it works? Just like that? Disinfect to protect? Will I see the creepy crawlies dissolve before my very eyes? Come on, we all know that 99.9% of these products DON’T work. At least not like THAT! I love OxiClean. It does work. BUT, it doesn’t work how loud screaming guy says it does. JUST SPRAY IT ON LIKE THIS AND IT DISAPPEARS BEFORE YOUR EYES!!!! No it doesn’t! You have to SOAK it in HOT HOT water over night and THEN it disappears. And unless I’m staying up all-night and staring at its “quick stain-fighting action” I’m not seeing it dissolve before my eyes. BUT…it does work. However, don't put any 100% cotton item that you don't want to shrink in this oxygen-induced bath. Cause you need the hot water and it WILL shrink your shit. So…. enough with the lying and the ridiculous germ animations that are NOT real. Show me real and I’ll buy.

COSMETICS

Face it. NO matter how much Revlon you slap on your face, you’re NEVER going to look like Halle Berry. Believe me, I’ve tried. The second advertising beef I have is with the makeup industry. These ads haven’t changed in the 37 years I’ve been alive. Show a beautiful woman pretending to put on some “it” makeup product, when we all know she’s wearing top-of-the-line MAC products that cost a lot more than $2.99 Maybelline, and have her smile and make love to the camera. Come on women, you know you want this. Lash pumping mascara. Garnier hair color that we KNOW Sarah Jessica Parker is NOT letting touch her sexy iconic hair. Why should she when she has a gay husband at home who can probably color her hair just fine, I’m sure. All-day wear lipstick. And the list continues. LIES. LIES. LIES. But beyond the lies of how these products work and the lame attempts to show us that they just might, it’s how incredibly dull and unimaginative this category is when it comes to advertising. The criteria for creative in these spots is rather shameful. Beautiful woman. Check. Product in hand. Check. Her smiling and flipping her hair. Check. And we have an AD! Show me every day lady wearing a lipstick that REALLY lasts all day. Sure, it lasts all day for these cosmetic models because they don’t eat, resulting in no glossy lip wear. These commercials do NOT relate to Main Street. So whom are they talking to? The celebs don’t buy makeup; it’s put on FOR them. So shove your hair volumnizers and your chip-proof nail polishes and your no-clumping mascara, and your color-matching foundations where your shimmery lip plumper doesn’t shine.

Do advertisers really think we’re stupid enough to believe this? Yes. Are people really this stupid to believe this? Yes. And that is unfortunate because as someone who makes a living out of making advertising messages, I’m threatening to DVR ALL my shows and not watch a single commercial ever again. I’m serious, I’ll do it. I will.

I'll tell you which commercial is probably my all-time favorite. The Tide stain-talking ad.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2cs8gnb42A
And here's why.
1. Just hilarious
2. I've always been a Tide brand loyal consumer
3. The concept is simple: Your stain can be so disgusting that it can keep the focus off of you, and only on your stain. And nobody wants that. So use this.
4. The product actually works!
5. MEMORABLE!!!!

Last thought. What’s with the filthy tub they use to demonstrate the cleaning power of X BRAND? Who bathes in these tubs? Do they spend their days in a trough and then just sit in the tub and not ever turn on the water? Geez, forget the bleach and spring for a new tub.

Tell me what you think...leave a comment!