Yes, a tampax IS absorbent.

Dogs rule. Cats drool.

That's my way of saying, what the hell is wrong with cats?

As my friends are galavanting in Vegas and winning tons of money that they will bequeath to me someday, I get the pleasure of sifting through cat shit and attending to daily feedings.

So, we all know cats are evil, right? Deep down they hate us? They spend days mastering Suduko and when we're cleaning their litter boxes they're thinking, "yeah bitch, you DO that!" So one cat is enough....two cats is just asking for villainous bi-plotting. Yes, a new word – right there.

Here's how today's story starts. I wake up and stumble over to the door that keeps them in the basement for the night. I ordinarily open the door and walk away. However, today would not be one of those days. A sea of white caught my eye. Upon further observation, I see what appears to be a peppering of toilet paper or maybe cotton balls. I make it down the stairs for an even CLOSER look and see that what the little guys got into was my box of Tampax. Yes, the entire box. How they thought it was fun, I have no idea? Maybe they pulled one out and thought, "Oooh a string, it's a toy!"

It gets even more disturbing. I walk into the bathroom to retrieve the waste basket so I can clean up their mess and in the toilet are some other tampons from their midnight playtime. I'm certain that I stood there for a good 10 seconds wondering how in the hell this had happened? Did one cat open the box and the read, "Hey, they're super absorbent...let's go see!"????? How did they manage to get in the box, open the tampons and then proceed to drop them in the toilet? I think they read, "DO NOT FLUSH" and thought oh yeah, you don't tell us cats what to do!!!! Plus, they're male cats...what the hell do they know about tampons?

I'm not one to support bathroom cams, but this would have been a good time for one. Pure evil, good readers, and maybe a little gay.